Every genre of music has an ideal listening environment. Classical is best heard at a smyphony. Arena rock should be heard at, well, at a large arena. Electronic music? Nothing beats a dance party. But whether you’re a club person, a bar junkie or a house party lover, you’ve probably encountered a lot of obnoxious people during your nights out. Below are nine of the people we hate most in no particular order.

Got any good ideas for future lists you’d like to see? Send them over.

 

1:  The guy who takes his shirt off

Surprise! It gets hot on a crowded dance floor. People are dancing and sweating and bumping into one another. You’re probably going to be uncomfortably hot. But when did it become acceptable for a guy to remove clothing? It’s fine to take off your shirt if there’s a chance you might go swimming. Nothing wrong with getting a head start at the beach or at a pool party. But if you’re indoors and just want to “cool off” a little bit? Too bad. Keep your shirt on. Please.

Even worse is that this trend has a tendency to spread. If one guy takes his shirt off, the rest of the dance floor takes it as a green light to follow suit. Soon, there’s a whole group of dudes waving their shirts around above their heads. They also tend to be the guys who spend a little too much time at the gym. Sure, you work out and have a six-pack. Show it off somewhere else. And I’m not just saying this as a guy. Girls don’t like it either, despite what you might think.

 

2:  The guy who keeps asking for a cigarette

Nope, I didn’t have one an hour ago when you asked me the first time. I still don’t have one. Either buy a pack or quit. Just please stop asking everybody. Warning: this person is almost always one of those I-only-smoke-when-I’m-drunk guys.

 

3:  The guy who wants to mosh

All the punk-rockers-turned-electronic-musicians were a breath of fresh air for the music scene. Unfortunately, those artists brought their fans with them. And those fans brought their “dancing” style. Nothing’s more annoying than a group of people on a dance floor suddenly forming a circle to push each other around and throw wild punches.

The only nice thing about a moshpit is that it’s unsustainable. Sometimes the moshers hurt each other and have to stop after an injury. Usually, they just get obnoxiously drunk before eleven and run out of energy sometime around 1AM. Keep the party going long enough and the moshpit will self-destruct. Always. Call it the fundamental law of moshing.

 

4:  The guy who keeps talking about how wasted he is

We get it. You’re drunk. You like being drunk and you want everyone to know that you’re totally out-of-your-mind smashed. But stop telling us how much alcohol is in your system. Chances are, we’re drunk, too. And even if you’re on your thirtieth shot of hard liquor, we’re still not impressed.

 

5:  The guy who freaks out when anyone gets within ten feet of his girlfriend

These guys are annoying all the time, but they’re especially bad at parties. I don’t know why you came to this party. You’re not drinking. You’re not dancing. You’re not even talking to anyone. If anyone gets near your girl, you totally snap into a possessive, controlling anger freak. This “tough guy” (TG) usually has conversations that go like this:

Me: “Hey Sarah. What’d you think of the calculus test?”
TG: (interrupting) “What the fuck did you just say to her?”
Me: “Uhh, I was asking about Wednesday’s midterm.”
TG: “You know that’s my girl, right? Step off.”

If your girlfriend drags you to a party, at least do your best to act like you’re having fun. And don’t be surprised if she gets hit on. It’s a party.

6:  The guy who’s a little too old to be here

This one only really just applies to college parties. Once you graduate, any age is fair game. But when you’re an undergrad, even thirty-year-olds seem ancient. It’s awkward for everyone when the didn’t-you-graduate-like-ten-years-ago? crew shows up at a frat house. Or when last year’s graduating class comes into town and thinks they still run the school. If you’re not in college, you shouldn’t be at a college party.

 

7:  The beer snob

No, the keg isn’t filled with imported beer. That vodka you’re drinking? It probably came from a plastic bottle. What were you expecting? There’s a hundred people at this party and the hosts wanted to throw down without going broke. Stop talking about how you’d rather have an expensive bottled IPA instead of Pabst Blue Ribbon. And here’s a steadfast party rule: if the beer’s free, you’re not allowed to complain about it.

 

8:  The guy who keeps giving the DJ advice

The DJ knows what he’s doing. Stop standing behind him and staring at his Serato Screen like you’re completely entranced. Stop giving him requests. Stop asking him what he’s going to play next. He doesn’t like it and just can’t think of a polite way to tell you to leave. These wannabe-hanger-on-DJs are also usually members of the I’m-too-cool-to-dance crowd, who cover their shyness by pretending to be deeply engrossed in the DJ setup. If there’s not DJ at the party, look out for his close relative: the I’m-going-to-stand-by-the-iPod-all-night guy.

 

9:  The guy trying to have an “intellectual” conversation.

I’ve got opinions on controversial issues, too. Abortion, health care, religion, politics. But these topics have no place at a party. I came to dance and enjoy the music, not debate the merits of capitalism. It’s hard enough to have a conversation over a thumping beat. Either don’t say anything or keep the conversation simple.

The only thing more annoying is that one guy who thinks he’s being deep while he’s actually just spouting out incoherent drunk-talk. You know the ones I’m talking about: it’s three in the morning, he’s hammered, and he thinks he’s finally figured it all out. He uses phrases like “it all makes sense now” and “I can’t believe I never realized that before.” His solution to a big problem is usually some variation of the phrase “everybody should just chill out.” Nope, you didn’t just figure out how to solve the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. You just forgot how much you drank and thought you were making sense.

 

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N.A.S.A. – N.A.S.A. Music (LA Riots Remix)

If any of the tunes contained in this post happen to suit your taste, the artist would probably be thrilled if you considered buying them on iTunes, Beatport, or Amazon.

Tags: people we hate, the list

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by Nick DiLallo

This entry was posted on Friday, November 20th, 2009 at 7:01 pm and is filed under Disco Daily. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.